A few more last minute donations

I had a few late straggler donations to my George Mark Fundraiser that are both touching and wonderful and I thought I'd add them to the list of donations and to the grand total anyway. I was given two checks, one for $50 and another for $185, which is huge! That brings the grand total to $935.90 raised by everyone. $1357.90 was raised between Ukiah's piggy bank and your fund raising efforts. But there's still more that can be done. Right now until The end of December, George Mark is involved in a dollar for dollar challenge (see the sidebar to learn more). Any money they are donated up to 250,000 is doubled. That means for every dollar you donate, you give another to George Mark free! The $235 I was just handed gives Georg Mark House $470!!! Please, consider donating a couple more bucks to George Mark if you have it!  

George Mark Tile Day

I’ve touted the awesomeness of George Mark House on this very website numerous times. My love for them and the services they provide is far reaching.  But I have yet another story about George Mark House that I want to share.

Every six months, George Mark House hosts a Tiles and Tales Day. This day gives families who have lost a child at George Mark House an opportunity to make a Tile commemorating the loved one they lost. As with a lot of things that George Mark House does, it’s a simple gesture, but for some families, like mine, that simple gesture goes a long way.

Chris and I weren’t sure we were ready for the tile day, but we signed up for it anyway, for Ukiah, as a way of honoring him. We had talked about the tile a little leading up to the big day but we hadn’t come up with any great ideas. We knew we wanted to incorporate his big blue dinosaur in some way, we just weren’t sure how.

When the big day arrived, we spent most of the morning trying to drum up ideas. Just this simple process drummed up so many emotions in us. How does one make a drawing that more or less encompasses a life, especially a life as unique and amazing as Ukiah’s? It was an utterly daunting task and it was breaking our hearts all over again (as if that doesn’t happen on a daily basis anyhow).

Finally, miraculously, we came up with an idea for the tile, one that we thought told a beautiful story that Ukiah would love.

Then we went to George Mark House. We arrived a little early and were told by a helpful volunteer that we could walk around a little bit while they set up for the event. There were a few places that we were asked to steer clear of. George Mark House had reopened their doors and since they had patients, we respected their privacy and stayed away from the patient rooms. Instead, we walked the grounds, their beautiful luscious grounds. We walked out to the court yard around the Gazebo, around the front of the building to the rock fountain and then to the walkway that had the tiles other families had created for their loved ones.

All the tiles were very different and unique, some artfully drawn and rendered, some with nice words or sayings. But they were all variations on the same theme; someone loved the child for which the tile was created very much.  And we were no different.

We then walked up near the chapel entrance, the chapel where we held Ukiah’s Memorial service. We decided not to go in but instead went to the little fountain next to the entrance of the Chapel.  The fountain itself is a huge red vase with water bubbling over its sides, towering over a pile of small rocks at the bottom. I remember being told that this fountain was set up for the staff and crew, so that they could have their own little way to remember the children who passed away there. I didn’t know if Ukiah’s name would be etched on a rock yet. And yet there it was, right in front of us. I sobbed big gasping sobs. I leaned on Chris and let the tears fall. Chris did the same. It’s hard to put into words what that little rock meant. Actually, I don’t even think that’s possible. It was touching and heartbreaking simultaneously. That’s all I feel I can say about that moment.

Finally, we walked back into the front entrance and went to the kitchen. I had brought the idea we sketched as well as a framed picture of Ukiah for inspiration to help the process along. The Art for Life folks who help put on the Tile day, were very wonderful about giving us tips and pointers for our 6X6 inch tile, from sizing the drawing, to paint colors. I wanted to match his little blue and orange dinosaur and they were more than happy to oblige. They took their time explaining the process but also gave us time and freedom to figure it out ourselves.

Along the way we got to see some familiar faces, members of the staff who had returned to George Mark since its reopening. It was all bittersweet, but beautiful in its own way. One of the familiar faces said that we should make this as quiet and cathartic for ourselves as possible, so we kept the chitchat to a minimum.

Once Chris etched the sketch onto the tile, he and I took turns painting various parts of the tile. Everything on the tile, from the objects on it to every color we selected was symbolic. It told a story and encompassed the little life that had meant so much to us as best as a 6X6 tile could. It was a thing of beauty that turned out better than Chris and I could’ve ever imagined. For the opportunity to this I am so grateful for George Mark House. I’m so grateful for them for a great many things, for the month we spent there when Ukiah was sick, to the wonderful service they provided, opening their doors to us so that we could hold Ukiah’s viewing and memorial service, even though they were closed, to this, giving us an outlet, a cathartic release for some of our pent up grief.

While I was there, I overheard a conversation that they still can’t afford to work at full staff. They’ve opened their doors, but money is still tight and they can use all the help and support they can get. If you still haven’t, please consider donating a few bucks. I know I’m not running my fundraiser right now, but consider donating just to donate. It’s not just about maintaining their services, but ensuring that the whole heart of George Mark that provides wonderful activities like this can afford to keep ticking.

 
I’m thinking about starting an Etsy store for George Mark next year. I’ll put up some of my jewelry and other fun stuff for sale, with all the proceeds helping this wonderful place keep its doors open, so keep your eyes peeled for that.  Above all else, keep getting the word out. The more people that know about this wonderful place, the more likely people are to donate, increasing George Mark House’s chances of keeping its doors open.

One more last minute donation!!!

We're now at $690.90!!! Exciting news! That's just over 1100 with Ukiah's piggy bank donation!!! I just have to say that I have some utterly generous friends and I can't thank people enough!!!

I'm so utterly thrilled i can't even tell you. I'm extending the fundraiser to October 2nd midnight! Let's really close this fundraiser with a bang!!! Can we reach $1000 before Saturday night? Only $309 left to raise? Wouldn't that be wonderful?!?!?!

Last Minute Donations

Let it not be said that I don't have any friends, because I have some of the best friends ever. Some very generous friends that helped add 250 dollars to my donation total. I love you guys. Thank you so much for generosity, and your friendship. You are true gems!

The George Mark Family

In life, there a big moments and small moments. Some of those big moments happen in small ways, almost most with a whisper, that in retrospect becomes a shout.

I went to George Mark House today to drop off a quilt my mother made, the jewelry I made, and the donations I received plus the piggy bank amount.  I didn't know what to expect, but I tried to emotionally prepare myself for almost anything. When I got there, Dr. Beech was out on the patio just to the right of the building. She was surprised and completely happy to see me. Her open arms took me in with one of her patented hugs that's simultaneously strong and comforting. I showed her the contents of the box I was carrying and she took it with great enthusiasm. She sheep herded me around and made sure I got lunch and a drink. In true Dr. Beech fashion, she talked with great enthusiasm and reverence about the House and organization she believes so deeply in and works so hard for. In true Dr. Beech Fashion, she listened patiently as I recounted in my own words what George Mark House meant to me, how truly it had touched me.

She introduced me to the companion she was having lunch with, another woman who had lost her daughter in January, only a few months before I had lost Ukiah. And we talked about everything, about our experiences as mothers who'd lost children, about what George Mark meant to us, about our aspirations as writers, about life after loss, about it all, about our hopes and dreams for the future. It was such a simple meeting, it was all such a simple thing. Going to George Mark House, dropping off my donations, having a brief meeting with a woman I'd never met before, and yet it feels huge. This little adventure I had today made ripples that I think will be big waves.

The donations made ripples as well. The woman taking my donations and I talked and I told her how my donations plus the checks I was dropping off and the donations made from Piggy Banks for George Mark fundraiser made close to 700 dollars. She looked at me straight-faced and earnest and said. "That's a day for some child." We as a collective unit were able to provide one day of care for some child. We were able to provide some parent a piece of mind that their child would be cared for and watched over the same way my Ukiah was for one day. To me, that means something so monumental, I can't put it into words. I almost couldn't contain myself.

I want to be able provide as many days as possible. I want more families to have more days. I've done my part, and you can still do yours. Please donate. Give some family a day, a small sliver of a day of solace, of love, of courage, of reverence, of family. Because George Mark House is all those things and more. And it deserves to have its doors open and keep them open. You won't find an organization more thoroughly thankful and respectful of your donation.

I think I'll always be doing my part. The piggy bank is empty now, but that means it can be filled again, and again and George Mark can benefit from its contents again and again. I think this has solidified my will to do this fundraiser again. Because as Dr. Beech put it, it's not just about the money, but it's also about spreading the word, and that's huge!

This Little Piggy Went to Market

This little piggy has stayed home for far too long, longing for an adventure, to go outside and get some fresh air. The nursery is a lonely place, especially nowadays, and it's good to get outside and see the sights.

So this little piggy went to market.

Getting to the market was an adventure in and of itself. The laundry room change bin came along for the ride and it couldn't contain itself and spilled some of its contents out all over the place. This little piggy was concerned, very, very concerned.

This little piggy did finally make it to market and the nearest Coinstar machine and this little piggy shook and shook itself fiercely until it was no longer full. This little piggy also had a fifty stuck in it (Thanks Mom!). This little piggy was a proud little piggy indeed. This little piggy watched as the laundry room coin bin got cashed out as well. This little piggy watched as the coin layers peeled away to what this little piggy thought was the mesozoic era. This little piggy looked at the bottom of the coin bin and realized that the coins on the bottom had left rusted impressions of themselves on the coin bin. This little piggy felt really bad about the poor, maligned coin bin.

This little piggy did not feel bad about the grand total. The change brought just over $360 dollars all told (400 hundred if CoinStar wasn't such a gouger, but whatevs) That plus the fifty and a couple of random ones found in some odd places brings the grand total to 422 dollars! This little piggy was a very happy little piggy.

This little piggy wondered how much roast beef it could have with that money, but this little piggy had none. (This little piggy has always wondered why this little piggy would eat roast beef, what with roast beef originating from cows, one of this little piggy's farmyard brethren. This little piggy thinks that's cruel. This little piggy is thinking about going vegetarian.) This little piggy went Wee! Wee! Wee! all the way home! (Well first this little piggy stopped at Jamba Juice where The Bloody Munchkin got a sinus freeze and went Ouch, Ouch, Ouch all the way home, but same difference).

This little piggy can't wait for the money to go to George Mark House  tomorrow! This little piggy thinks that'll be a great adventure (I am running to George Mark tomorrow, so if you want me to hand deliver your donation, better get on the horn and let me know, tyliagardner @ hotmail dot com). Remember, I'm not counting this as part of the grand total of contest, so if you guys still want me to do the truffle shuffle, you better get your collective butts in gear and cash in 700 bucks to George Mark House and let me know about it!

Cash in those little piggies! Feel free to make up ridiculous stories just like this one and let me know about it and e-mail me and I'll post the story. I may or may not have a prize attached to the best story! Because this little piggy is a dork for such things apparently! (And why did my brain want to insert a Deliverance "Squeal like a pig!" reference? So twisted, so bizarre!)

Jewelry for George Mark House

I have made a whole mess of jewelry for George Mark House for their silent auction taking place on October 2nd that I thought I'd share with you. If donate to George Mark House and send me the receipt, you could have some of my one of a kind jewelry in your future!

I probably won't make these pieces again for the donations, but keep these designs in mind if they strike your fancy and I'll be happy to make something similar. Also, be kind to me about the photography. I don't have a nice camera and a studio. I have a canon power shot and my couch cushions, so I did the best I could.

First up is matching necklace, bracelet, and earrings I did using green crystal beads.

The bracelet is cuff I made using elastic string and metal eye hooks. Here's a close up of the bracelet.

The green pendents in the bracelet match the green pendents in the necklace. The necklace itself is three stranded using green and clear crystal beads along with the green pendent beads used in the bracelet.

The matching earrings are a simple wired and green crystal design.

I also did a simple but funky garnet and wire bracelet with a magnetic clasp and two sets of earrings, one's a funky day look and the other, longer pair is a more elegant night look. (Look at me, talking about jewelry in sophisticated terms, like I know what the heck I'm talking about).

Take a gander and let me know what you think. I haven't taken these to George Mark House yet, so they might not go to auction. If not, I'll make them part of the prizing proper, but in order to give them out, I've got to do a little better than 200 hundred dollars in fundraising efforts. If you haven't donated, consider this your reason for doing so.

Piggy Banks for George Mark Update

Hi all! Sorry I haven't been around last week very much. Work was crazy and I had a health thing that knocked me on my butt for a few days and made me feel miserable, but that's not say there aren't updates to be made. I finished some more jewelry items that I'm donating to George Mark House for their own silent auction taking place on October 2nd. I'll be posting pictures of those items some time this week so you can peep some of what might be in store for you if you donate to George Mark House and win!

Also, I might have another item to put on the Prizing list that I'm finalizing. I think, I hope, I don't know.

The awesome and wonderful Sars has made a decision on the bracelet she wants and I'll be getting that out the door this week, so I'll be updating the prize list to exclude that bracelet.


And lastly, I just got a donation yesterday, which puts the total for this fundraiser at $200! I'm so happy about this because that's two hundred bucks George Mark House wouldn't have had otherwise, it's two hundred bucks that will go a long way to helping children just like my son and families just like mine. But there's still more to be made, more to do.  You guys have to raise 800 more bucks to get me to do the truffle shuffle, but I think we can do it, so let's get 'er done! Get those donations in and e-mail me. You've got sixteen more days until the end! Get those piggy banks filled and cashed in! Whatever you can do to help! I'd appreciate it.


Did you get a receipt but you haven't e-mailed me yet? E-mail me at tyliagardner @ hotmial (dot) com. I'll try and put a direct e-mail link into the George Mark Fundraiser panel on the right. If that doesn't work, let me know in the comments and I'll try and work something out.


Thanks you guys. Keep it going.

Prizing Update

I've finally added some new prizes to the list and hope to add a few more within the next week. A wonderful friend of Tomato Nation donated a pair of knitted, beaded fingerless gloves which I'm very excited about and I made some bracelets for 7 very lucky winners, that look like this:

See all the new additions here in the prizing page.

George Mark House fact of the day #3

O.k, first thing's first. The total is up to 150! Great News!

Also, new prizes will be eminent, but I'm still finalizing a couple odds and ends, so I'm not sure exactly when I'll post, only that it'll be within the next week.

Onto the fact of the day.

Fact #3:


Rather than overcrowded hospitals, George Mark House holds a maximum of eight children at a time. Each child receives and his or her family receives  a great deal of attention from from both the staff and the volunteers. Each room has its own individual theme, with beautiful murals in each depicting different scenes. My son stayed in the Railroad Crossing room that had two murals of beautiful rolling hills with a train meandering through the scene. The rooms and the personalized care provided a perfect place for my son to get better without being intrusive. They provide a high level of care without being intrusive.

A New Way Home Screening Date

A New Way Home finally got that screening date it deserves! October 4th, at 7:00 pm, at the Grandlake Theatre in Oakland, CA! If you're in the Bay Area, its well worth your time! Mark your calenders!

George Mark House fact of the day #2

I have some quick updates before I get started. First, I added a total counter to the side panel so we can all keep up with the donation total. Keep it glued to the Piggy Banks for George Mark panel for total updates.

Also, I have a few more prizes to add to the prizes list in the next week, so keep a locked here for prizing information.

Thirdly, the current total just doubled from $25 to $50 this morning!!!! Yeah!!! Keep those donation reciepts coming!!! Thanks to everyone who has donated and spread the word on this little drive so far!!!!

O.k., so without further ado, here's your little fact of the day about George Mark House.

Fact of the Day #2:

George Mark House offers a wide range of services to the children who come into its doors. They have an in house hydrotherapy pool as well as a fully licensed on-call hydro-therapist. They also have a child life specialist that provides fun, games, arts and crafts not only to the children but to their siblings as well. They offer a wide range of fun events to all the occupants that come in the door. And I'm talking a wide range of fun events. Therapy dogs, fireman, bunnies, traveling zoos, proms. They have it all. They actually had a camel on their campus! A camel! They once brought a mini pony into my son's room. Where else can a sick patient get to pet a mini pony? Nowhere else that I know of. So let's get those doors back open!

George Mark House fact of the day #1

Today marks the official start of this little contest of mine. I just want to take a moment and thank everyone whose participated so far. Right now, the official total stands at $25. If you want to make me do the truffle shuffle and FILM it (I mean, I do the truffle shuffle a lot, there's never been videotape proof though), we're shooting for 1,000, so get those jars going and scrounge that loose change!

In the mean time, I thought I'd post little facts and tidbits about George Mark House that make it great, unique and center worth your money and energy.

Fact #1

George Mark House is the only palliative pediatric care house in the nation that helps children with life-limiting illnesses. There are upwards of 40 houses like George Mark House in the U.K, but there's only one in the United States and that's George Mark House. And right now it's doors are closed, so the US doesn't even have that. We have a responsibility to kids like my son to ensure that they do have something like this available. Let's think of the kids.

A New Way Home

Just in case you needed a little bit more incentive to donate to George Mark House, please check out this trailer to a documentary made at George Mark House following three families as they go through the process of having to lose a child.  It's a powerful, moving trailer that frankly hits a little close to home for me, but is well worth your time regardless.

There is a screening for the film being finalized for some time in September at the Grand Lake Theater in Oakland, CA. Keep tuned to the movie's website or to mine for a showtime as soon as it is finalized.

Ben Tuller, the filmmaker, was a volunteer at George Mark House as well as the documentarian for the film.  He took care of Ukiah once during his September stay and was saddened to hear of our loss. Check out his website and his facebook to send him some support for his project.

Piggy Banks On a Roll!!!

Wow! I mean wow. Today's my birthday and I just received the best birthday present in the shape of an awesome outpouring of support. This morning I got up and received a wonderful e-mail from Sars at Tomato Nation letting me know she'd posted my little fund-raising efforts on her website, which is wonderful news because we all know that Tomato Nation Readers have some of the biggest hearts out there, and already I've gotten some comments and e-mails, letting me know people have already contributed.

The first e-mail I received was from a woman in the UK saying she'd donated ten bucks and I cried! I literally cried. It's only 8:30 and I've already received a small kindness from  a woman halfway across the world. This is such great news I can't even begin to tell you.

On an administrative note, I've added links to my side panel so that you can keep up with Piggy Bank news easily.  I also added a Donate Now link to the side panel so you can go straight to George Mark's donation page and make a donation.

Also, I was asked what my son's name was so that a donation could be made in his honor, which is such a wonderful sentiment. His name was Ukiah James Gardner, and he was quite loved by all the staff at George Mark House.

Let me know if you guys have any other questions in the comments or e-mail me.

Thanks so much for the love you guys!

Piggy Bank Prizing and Administration Notes

There seems to be some really great momentum to this little contest of mine, I just want to outline some rules and regulations for the Contest. I’d like to officially start the contest on September 1st, lasting the whole month of September, but if you’ve already donated, don’t worry about it. Just send me the receipt of your donation to George Mark and that is your entry into the contest.

The contest will end at Midnight on September 30th. Make sure you’ve sent me your donations/receipts before that date to be entered into the contest. I’m more than willing to take donations myself and send them to George Mark but to make sure you get the tax exemption for the donation, you’re better off donating to George Mark itself. You can donate right on their website and they should provide an e-mail confirmation. Just send that to me via my e-mail address (tyliagardner at hotmail dot com). If you’re having trouble donating/getting a confirmation, let me know and I’ll see what I can’t work out.

I’ll select winners at random once the contest concludes and you’ll be notified by e-mail as to your prize. I’ll start e-mail notification on October 5th, so keep your eyes peeled to your e-mails.

If you’ve donated to George Mark but don’t want to be part of the contest itself, at least send me an e-mail and keep me informed of the donation. I’m keeping a tally of how much we raise. If we can raise $1,000 by the end of the month, I’ll reenact Chunk’s Monologue from the Goonies (You know the one I'm talking about!). $2,000 and I’ll add Chunk’s Truffle Shuffle to the list. If we go higher, I’ll add to that but it will be TBD. And if we are somehow able to earn 5,000, I’ll go for broke.

And again, if you don’t want to donate to George Mark itself, feel free to donate a prize. Any prize, or little token of your thoughtfulness that we can give out would be much appreciated. Knitted hats, quilts, the promise of baked goods, anything would be appreciated. I’ll take any kind of little prize or giveaway.

Much more important to me though is just getting the word out. Please post this on your blog, facebook page, twitter account, or any other social networking site you use. Please e-mail anyone you can think of. I want as many people as possible to know about George Mark House and the good it does for families who have children with life-limiting illnesses. A goal George Mark House has for itself is that they’d like to see several houses like it spring up in metropolitan areas around the country, but they can’t do that if they can’t open their doors and keep them open. So just tell people about George Mark House and the service it provides.

O.k., I’m off my soap box. Now, on with the important stuff.


Prizes

The prizes I have going on right now are:

A rosary using my grandmother’s beads made by me
A homemade necklace made to the winner’s liking
A homemade pair or earrings made to the winner’s liking
A homemade bracelet made to the winner’s liking
A piece of broken jewelry repaired – just send it to me and I’ll try my best and fix it.

One of seven U HOPE bracelets, made by me - The Bracelets all have leather string with letter beads spelling out U HOPE, with a unique blue bead between the U and HOPE. U was my son's first initial. The blue bead represents his beautiful blue eyes. HOPE is something we should all have in our lives. See pictures attached at end of post. I've attached seven pictures but one of those bad boys is earmarked for Sars, and as soon as she tells me which one she wants, I'll take it's picture off the website. [Ed. Notes; Sars has claimed one and now its taken off the website. Thanks for everything Sars!]

A batch of my mother’s wonderful homemade sugar cookies

One pair of lovely knitted and beaded fingerless gloves in red courtesy of Resa S. The gloves will be knitted similar to the ones pictured here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/goblinqueenie/3293652183/in/set-72157604047712581/ See also the tiny url: http://tinyurl.com/25fdd7v

That’s all for now, but there will be more to come. There might be a homemade baby quilt from my mother and a jar of my aunt Claire’s famous Nana Jam added to the prizing. And trust me, you’re going to want the Nana Jam. Made from the finest vine ripened wild raspberries my uncle Merle can pick and sweetened to perfection by my Aunt Clair, it is gold in a jar. I’ve seen blood feuds started over her Nana Jam. I’ve heard curses muttered under breaths and the worst stink eye administered to those lucky enough to receive a jar, so be on the lookout for that. I may also get some gift cards to sweeten the deal. Again, let me know if you want to add to the prizing or have anything to add. Keep it glued here for any contest or fundraising efforts. I hope this really gets some momentum going.

Without further ado, here's the picture of the bracelets I mentioned.

Piggy Banks for George Mark House

I have trouble going into my son’s nursery since his passing. It’s to be expected I know. There are just so many things in the room with which that I’m at a loss. I’m at a loss anyway, obviously. I could go on, but I won’t. One item in particular that had me at a loss was my son’s piggy bank. It is a stately piggy bank, in a deep midnight blue color that has given it a lot of gravitas. My mother was gung ho about filling it to the brim. My mother was gung ho regarding just about everything in my son’s life (as you do) but the piggy bank seemed to be of deep interest to my mother. She spent two summers filling it. It is quite hefty and determining what to do with it sent me reeling until I realized it had a purpose.

It needs to go to George Mark House. Anything and everything I could possibly give them needs to go to them but this in particular does. I think I’ve explained my love for George Mark House on at least an occasion or two. And if I haven’t made clear the love I’ve had for the remarkable unique soul that was my son on either of my blogs, you’re just not looking hard enough. But perhaps I haven’t made clear the connection between George Mark House and my son.

In September of 2009 my son got deathly sick. It wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t the last, but it was just as scary as any of them. We had a lengthy hospital stay to contend with. Again, not the first time, but it ended up being the last. We had some insanely difficult decisions to make that hospital stay, and one of them was whether to stay in the hospital or explore another option. That other option was George Mark House. We had some preconceived notions about George Mark House being a glorified senior center for kids, and some other completely preposterous notions. Then we took a tour of the place and realized it was exactly where he needed to be. He spent a month there and it was an absolutely perfect place for him to get better on his own terms but with a lovely and supportive staff helping him and us every step of the way.

One of the mottos George Mark House lives by is that once you’re there, you’re family, and as far as I’m concerned truer words were never spoken. They were a vast resource and a huge comfort. I could call their nurse’s station or their on-call doctor whenever I needed which was a security blanket I needed. Their nursing staff would call and check in on us to see if there was anything we needed on a routine basis. The emergency respite service they offered was a safety net that was nice to know was there. I didn’t have to tackle things alone if it got too difficult and that was so vastly helpful to me, just the thought of having something to lean on if I needed to.

And then, all the sudden it wasn’t there anymore. Two weeks before my son died, I received a call that they could no longer take patients and they had to close their doors for an undetermined amount of time. Most of the money they had to run their beautiful center was based off donations and grants wherever they could get it and the money had run out. They could no longer afford to run the center and take on any patients. Most medical programs, especially state-run medical programs, and insurers didn’t recognize the services they offered and therefore didn’t pay fora patient's care there. Our insurance did thankfully, but generally, with allot of the patients they took in that wasn't the case. George Mark House just didn’t have the financial structure in place to be able to keep its doors up.

We were heartbroken and bereft. The safety net had been pulled out from under our feet at the worst possible time. My son was battling a common cold that for him was anything but common. It would end up taking his life at that time and during his battle, we always had it in the back of our heads that we could turn to George Mark House when things took a turn for a worse. To find out we couldn’t was devastating.

Then the worst possible thing happened. We lost him. We were bereft again but now in the worst possible way. The type of heartache we suffered no parent should have to feel, and yet it happens far too often. We were suffering a great loss and million tiny losses all at once. We had a thousand decisions to make, none of which we wanted to make; what to do with his body, should we have a viewing, where to have his service, all of it. None of them were easy to make until it became a little be easier. I received a call from someone working at George Mark House. Even though their doors were closed to patients, they could still handle arrangements for funereal services if we wanted. I couldn’t think of a more fitting, beautiful place for everything to be held and a fitting way to honor his memory and who he was and we immediately said yes. We had both his viewing and celebration of life services there and they were both as beautiful and fitting tributes to our wonderful son as we could have ever asked. They bent over backwards to accommodate us and I’m eternally grateful.

Though their doors were closed, their hearts were still open. Even with their hands tied, they still opened their arms to embrace us. What they did for us was priceless. I’m just hoping to at partially return the favor, although I’m not sure that favor can ever fully be repaid.

That’s why I’m donating my son’s Piggy Bank to George Mark House. But its contents are probably just a drop in the bucket to what they really need to get going. They are planning on reopening by October 4th with a new financial structure in place to hopefully keep them afloat and their doors open. But they can probably use all the help they can get to ensure that their doors remain open once they do. That’s why I’m proposing Piggy Banks for George Mark House and here’s where I’m hoping the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I think if we can start a grass roots movement over the internet and e-mails, we might really be able to make a difference.

How It Works

Most of us have a stash of lose change we’ve been keeping around that we plan on using for a rainy day or for a special occasion. You know that stash. Maybe it’s a jar you keep near the washer when you’re emptying out your pockets (that’s where ours is), maybe you have a swear jar you keep around to try and keep your dirty mouth clean, maybe your center console in your car is where pennies go to die. All I’m asking is that you keep adding to that change stach for the whole month of September and at the end, cash it out and send the proceeds to George Mark House. Don’t have a piggy bank, swear jar, center car console or some other erstwhile coin collecting receptacle? Start one and add to it little by little for the month of September. Cash it in and send it George Mark House. Too strapped to even do that? Living off the change you’re collecting your own self? Well think smaller, maybe just see what you can set aside for a week and cash that in. Any little thing you can do to ensure their doors can remain open will help. Don’t do any cash transactions anymore? Well think about doing it for a month, or a week in September, see how much change that generates and send it in. Think that’s way too much work and feel like just making a donation to their website, well do that too.

I’m thinking about doing a contest not unlike the one Sars holds every year in October for Donors Choose. Basically, send me your receipt for your donation and that’s your entry to the contest. I’ll give out prizes at the end of the month to people whose receipts I’ve selected randomly from the pile. I don’t have much to offer at the moment. Right now, off the top of my head one of those prizes are one the rosaries I’ve been making using my grandmother’s jewelry, but if you win it, that pretty much means you’re part of the family, which believe me you, is a much greater prize. I’d also be willing to throw in hand-crafting a piece of your own choosing. I’d be willing to make a necklace, earrings, bracelet, anklet, headdress (that might be stretching it) of your own choosing. You choose the colors and I’ll happily make it for you. Don’t feel like donating to George Mark but might feel like donating a prize? That works too. Email me at tyliagardner at hotmail dot com.

Don’t feel like doing any of that but are still mildly interested to try and help? Well that works too. Post a link to this on you blog, facebook page, myspace page, or twitter account and get the word out. Email family, friends, friends of friends, frenemies, friends or frenemies, old acquaintences, that strange guy at work who has the smelly cubicle and your convinced there’s a superfund site existing somewhere underneath some pile of papers that will rule the planet some day, anyone and everyone you can think of. Getting word out about this wonderful organization is just as important as giving it money because people don’t know it exists or don’t understand the importance of having a center where families with children who have life-limiting illnesses can go for support.

Need more incentive, to help? Well, if we as a collective group can raise a certain sum of money, I’ll be willing to do something silly and embarrassing and post said fruits of my labor on the internet. No, I won’t shave my head or dress like a tomato. I considering reenacting my favorite scenes from movies as reward. If we can raise$ 1,000 by the end of the month, I’ll reenact Chunk’s Monologue from the Goonies (You know the one I'm talking about!). $2,000 and I’ll add Chunk’s Truffle Shuffle to the list. If we go higher, I’ll add to that but it will be TBD. I didn’t have many readers of my regular blog and not posting for two years has scared off any fans I did have. I have one follower on my rosary blog so I’m not sure where this is all going to go, or if it will go anywhere, but I have to try and I’m hoping beyond all hope that you’ll try with me. Help me make a fool of myself on the internet. It’s for charity. It’s also for my son, for keeping his memory alive and I can’t think of anything more noble than that. Thank you.

Moving On

I told my therapist yesterday about my writing and how I sometimes bail or stop when it's too emotionally raw, or that I hate what I've written afterward, just despise the innards I've thrown onto the page. Perhaps its because I'm being too honest, perhaps I don't like admitting how tied to my emotions I am, I can't tell.

Unfortunately that's where I'm at right now. I'm emotionally raw and yet I'm writing. I'll probably hate this too, but I guess I just need a place for it. I've exhausted my phone-a-friend list, my husband is away on business and I don't know where else to go with all of this.

I just miss my son. I miss the weight of him, his smell, the way he breathed, the way he slept in his crib, the way he slept on me, all of his outfits, just all of it. It hurts so much right now. Emotionally, I'm there again, back at his service, at his viewing. It's like I'm forced to relive. The simplest things can bring me back to those emotions. I've been writing Thank You notes and the process of writing those notes forces me into the memories of his service, of being back at his viewing, of everyone I saw and all their concern and kind thought and it hurts all over again and I don't know where to go with all of it. I don't know how to turn it off either. I wish these emotions weren't so visible, so right at the surface, but they are despite myself. I see a pristine angel down the dairy aisle at my grocery store and it takes all my will and strength not to reach out and hug that baby and give his or her parents some sort of idea of how well they have it. And it takes every bit of my will and strength not to cry right afterward.

Sometimes I don't even have that.

And this week just feels like I'm being bombarded by tiny reminders of him. Some days I feel like I can compartmentalize, but today is not one of those days. Today I'm allowing myself to dwell and wallow. I wish I had some way to sum this all up, some big finish, but I don't. I'm just going to let this all be, emotional and raw as I had intended.

Sister Bernice's Rosary

In the two years that Ukiah was put on this earth, he's given me the opportunity to meet some truly interesting and amazing people. There are people that I consider good friends that I would have never met if it wasn't for Ukiah. One such person is Sister Bernice. She is the chaplain at Children's Hospital Oakland and she has known us since the very beginning of Ukiah's life. She was in Ukiah's life from his first day and was one of the first people I called the day after we lost Ukiah. She was kind enough to lead the service at Ukiah's celebration of life and she's just been the kindest soul we could have ever hoped to meet. She's been there at every hospital visit with kind words and gentle hugs and she has offered that she will continue to be there even now that Ukiah is gone. She's one of those special people and I'll never forget her.

She also reminds me of my grandmother. Maybe it's the hugs she gives, or her steadfast faith and strength amidst all the adversity she encounters and sees. It's hard for me to say for sure. It was partially because of my grandmother and partially because she had proven herself to be someone we could rely on but I decided to give her one of my rosaries. I ran it passed my mother first, and because she had met Sister Bernice, my mother heartily agreed that it was a good idea.

After the service I pulled Sister Bernice aside and told her the family's story. I told her about my grandmother and the impact she had on my life. I told her about my uncles and the tragedy we endured. I told her the important role my grandmother played in getting us to survive the tragedy. I told her about my Aunt Jan and the role the rosary played at the end of her life. I told her how I was attempting to make one for every member of my family. I told her all this and gave her the rosary. I told her that after everything, she was officially family. She held it tightly in her hands and told me she'd treasure it forever. She said it was ever more perfect that I'd given her the blue one. Blue was her favorite color after all.

Thanks to Ukiah, this wonderful woman came into my life, and because of Ukiah, I'll never forget her. She's family now and because she now has one of the rosaries, now she knows it.

My New Struggle

It's been three plus years since I've written in this blog. A lot has happened in that time. I had a child. I lost a child. Those two sentences don't really do the last three years justice, but in short that's exactly what happened. Soon after my last post, I found out a I was pregnant and my life no longer involved beads and blog posts and instead involved diapers and suction equipment and endless doctor visits and a dozen different specialists. That sentence doesn't even do it justice. The last two years of my life have been spent watching the most special of lives thrive, struggle, learn to thrive, only struggle again and again for two years. And again words fail.

And words will always fail me in the effort of describing the beautiful angel I had the pleasure of knowing and learning from in the past two years. He was the most incredible individual anyone I know has ever met and words haven't even been created to describe him, his beauty, his persistence, his perseverence, his spirit. And his spirit was incredibly strong, stronger than anyone I have ever met, dare I say even stronger than my grandmother's.

My mother has continually compared me to my grandmother. She's said time and again that she's proud the two strongest people she's ever had the pleasure of meeting are her mother and her daughter. Not feint praise in the least, and not something I feel I'm completely deserving of, at least not yet.

And there's a buried truth I don't think my mother understands, not fully. We're strong because they made us so. My grandmother dug down and found a faith, a strength she didn't have because the tragedy she was in asked it of her, her sons asked it of her, time and time again. My son asked it of me as well, with every set back, with every piece of bad news I was forced to find a new inner strength I didn't know I was capable of. And I'm asked to do it again in his absence. I don't feel capable of it right now, but I'll try because I think he is asking it of me once again.

I don't know what this blog will look like now, heck I don't know what my life will look like now, much less the blog. It will probably evolve as my grief evolves and changes. All I know is that I think I need this, now more than ever.