Things keep changing quicker than I can keep up with them. Every phone call is something new. In fact there were two different updates, only an hour apart from each other that let me know how quickly things have escalated.
First, mom left a message that said everything was the same from yesterday and not an hour later, dad called and said your breathing patterns have changed and so your days have just dwindled to hours. I kept saying okay in a stern fashion over the phone to my dad and he said "Damn it Tylia I'm trying to ramble here and you aren't letting me."
I guess that's our different coping mechanisms at work. I'm full steam ahead in this sort of situation and my dad needs to ramble, to work his way however slowly to what he's feeling, what he may be doing.
I haven't called my mom yet to find out exactly what's going on with you. I don't know why. It sounds like, with hospice and everybody around, my call would get in the way. Also, by making that call, I'd be making plans like you're already gone and I can't do that. Chris says to wait until I get the call, the final call, before I do anything, like make plans to get to Iowa. He's right.
I don't know what room in the house you are in, because god there are so many. I think its your bedroom, or that room you use as the office right next to it. I somehow imagine the room bathed in a gentle light and all of the assembled family looking on at you as your basking in it. I hope that's a close approximation for what's going on right now. I hope you're content and I hope that all of them, and I do mean every single one of them, are there to meet you on the other side.
I hope its the family reunion I've always imagined it to be. I use to imagine heaven as a big bowling ally with a bar where my uncles would all drink, cuss and carry on together. I have no idea why, but that's what I dreamed up when I was nine. Now I hope its a big porch over looking a beautiful garden and an incredible yard like you have at your house and the sun is perpetually setting and everyone just sits on the porch and relaxes, taking turns holding Ukiah and chasing him through the grass. And they've just pulled up another seat for you, and Randy's sidled up right along side you. Everybody's just talking and carrying on like there's been no time between you.
I wish you everything you want on the other side Aunt Clare.