The Story of the Butterflies

Since Lisa's death, I've felt kind of caught in an undertow of sorts. There's been a flurry of activity, both with work and with interpersonal stuff, which either I didn't want to talk about or felt I couldn't. But despite the grief and the depression I've felt from all this, I've had some truly uplifting moments, some blessed moments.

The previous post from Cyndi stemmed from a recent conversation we had a week or so. It was the best conversation, filled with laughter and tears. There were several things said that utterly uplifted me, but none more so than a story I shared with Cyndi and the story she shared back.

The day of Lisa's Memorial, I went for a hike. I had to go somewhere beautiful as a way of saying goodbye. I took the dog and I brought a lunch. I went to this beautiful land preserve called Morgan Territories which was an easy drive from home. It was an absolutely perfect day. The sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot, it was completely clear. I full expected to grieve, to give myself the room to cry and release all the emotions that were pent up in me since her death. But on the hike I didn't feel any of that. The second I stepped out of the car and started walking the hills, I couldn't. I just felt uplifted, knowing she was in a better place now, with her mother, our grandmother and the rest of our family. At the end of the hike I saw these two butterflies, fluttering around each other, these two dainty white butterflies just flying and circling each other. A third white butterfly joined them, fluttering and flying about, but then broke off as the other two flew off and away. That third one flew by and around me briefly and then flew off. I said it felt like a sign, that Grandma, Jan and Lisa are together someplace safe and Lisa broke off to briefly say goodbye. It's what I needed.

I told Cyndi this because it brought me a measure of comfort after everything, and I just thought she should know. She gasped a little and said. "Lisa loved butterflies. Her house was filled with butterflies. At her memorial, someone had set a butterfly with her." It's been two weeks since I heard this and it still brings tears to my eyes. I could've never expected that. I still don't fully know what it means. It could just be coincidence, but I don't think so. I think I was given what I needed to say goodbye, intentionally, and for that I'm grateful.

And for this I am grateful, for the opportunity to share these thoughts and emotions with the family.

Regarding the rosaries, Cyndi said she'd send me some of Lisa's Jewelry for the rosary project and that she'd like something made for herself, which I'm more than happy to do. I also plan to make my Aunt Mary's two children rosaries, so keep checking back for updates and new rosaries in the coming months.